Saw this on MSN.com, but it was originally posted in Maxim. Read it and let me know what you think.

For the ladies...

Be the perfect girlfriend…

By Jon Wilde Reese and Ryan fizzled out, Britney and K-Fed fell apart, and when the dust cleared, all that remained of each blessed union was a crisp pre-nup to divvy up the belongings. Which got me thinking, Why rely on a legal document to fix the end of a relationship when I can use one to create the ideal relationship? So here it is; my contract for the perfect girlfriend. Laugh at it if you will, ladies, but you are about to get some startling insights onto the male mind.

I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.

Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.

B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.

C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.

1. By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.

Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.

1. Rule 2-a above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.

B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.

C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.

1. Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear”).

Clause 3: The Bedroom

A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.

B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.

Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.

B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.

Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.

B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guy’s Night.

C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.

D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:

1. She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.
2. She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.
3. No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.

Clause 5: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.

1. The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.
2. After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.
3. The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or coworkers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.

By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents.



______________________________
Print your name



______________________________
Signature



______________________________
Date

Guys, here's what you need to aspire to:

Be the perfect boyfriend…

By Amy Spencer It’s amazing how much my “ideal boyfriend” list has changed over the years. Just to give you an idea, here’s a sample of what I’ve looked for in the past:

Perfect boyfriend list circa 1986: Cute. On lacrosse team. And, like, totally likes me. Perfect boyfriend list circa 1996: Has a great job. Social. Lives in same city. Perfect boyfriend list circa 2006: Big heart. Faithful. Fun. Potentially a great dad.

Even now, with all we know of love and life, when women start listing what we’re looking for in a guy, it still usually starts with his looks, his location, his job, or OK, maybe his sense of humor. But the truth is that any man – any height, any place, any job – can be the perfect boyfriend if he expresses the qualities that women really want. The things that speak to our hearts and affect us on a daily, weekly or monthly basis: The things we often forget we want in a guy until we see a John Cusack movie.

So I dug into my past experiences (good and bad) and talked to other women about what they’re looking for to come up with an ideal list. If we put one perfect boyfriend on order, here’s what comes with the package.

The perfect boyfriend…

…gives us butterflies in the beginning (Frequency: 1x a week, at least for the first three months). I have a friend who’s been seeing a man for three months she describes this way: “He’s really nice and he’s really good to me, but sometimes I have trouble looking at him because he’s really weird-looking… but, you know, we’ll see.” Some people think you don’t have to be all that attracted to the person you’re dating. I’m not one of those people. (And let’s be honest, who really is?) The ideal guy is either immediately attractive to us for his obvious physical attributes (say, dark-haired and tall, skinny with glasses, exotic and graceful), or because he appeals to us in other ways (the way he talks, the way he walks, the way he kisses, the way he works). Either way, those fluttery feelings in the beginning of the romance are important. Relationships get hard, and one way to endure the rough patches is having a little spark of high-school puppy love to fall back on. The perfect guy provides that.

…makes us laugh (Frequency: a lot). There’s a reason “sense of humor” is consistently at the top of every woman’s love list. If you can’t laugh together, really, what’s the point?

…shows us affection in tender ways (Frequency: minimum 4x a week). My current squeeze was recently playing with my hair for the duration of an entire episode of Grey’s Anatomy (speaking of, is it too shallow to want the perfect boyfriend to watch Grey’s Anatomy with you?). I was in such heaven, it made me realize how important it is to be touched in ways that aren’t always pre- or post-sexually-charged. For instance, guys, you know that clever idea you have of offering us a “backrub” when you really intend to slowly sneak your hands around and… well, we know that trick. I’m just saying, every once in a while, the perfect boyfriend would give us a plain old backrub.

…comes out with our friends and plays the role of token adorable guy (Frequency: 1x a month). Like a designer coat you get for a steal, what’s the fun of talking about your big find if you can’t show it off? A perfect boyfriend isn’t just perfect when we’re alone; he’s perfect in public, too. Years ago, I dated an event planner who, every once in a while would say, “Let’s take your friends out.” He’d book a table somewhere, hail the cab, pull out our chairs for us, order us drinks, and tell hilarious stories about some recent party fiasco. I couldn’t help beaming with pride when a friend would lean over and whisper, “Oh my God, he’s adorable.” For most women, our friends are our family and a big part of our lives, so we want our boyfriend to fit right in and make a great impression while he does it. What’s the fun of having the perfect guy if no one in the room goes home just a teeny bit jealous?

…agrees to go splitsies when we order food (Frequency: at least every other meal together). You know, you guys can have half of our chicken sandwich if we can have half of your burger? Your French fries are my French fries? Provided we don’t go too Tofurkey with our choices, it’s an admirable trait if a boyfriend shares a meal with us—literally.

…surprises us with thoughtful gifts and gestures (Frequency: 1x a month). This is where those flowers come in. Or a new CD we wanted. Or a sweet text-message at 11 a.m. Big or small, it really is the thought that counts. While visiting my guy in Los Angeles for a month, I mentioned a few weeks in that I was feeling a little homesick for New York City. When I woke up the next morning, he was standing there with two lattes—and a copy of The New York Post, which he’d spent 45 minutes driving around trying to find. The gift itself cost him two bucks, but was priceless in boyfriend points. “Half the fun of a little gift is just knowing that the guy is thinking of you when he’s apart from you,” points out my friend Sue. “It almost doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just the fact that he thought of us while he was doing it.”

…compliments us on things other than our looks (Frequency: 10x a month). In a movie I can’t help but reference weekly, Something’s Gotta Give, Jack Nicholson’s character tells Diane Keaton’s character, “You’re the funniest girl I ever had sex with.” Perhaps he could have phrased it a bit better, but there’s something magical about a man who notices the more profound, valuable qualities in us—who says things like, “You’re so interesting,” “You’re so intuitive” or “You’re so smart.” Looks fade, so we want a boyfriend who sees the pretty deep down.

…but, yeah, he also tells us we’re beautiful and hot, like, all the time (Frequency: Seriously, all the time). It just makes us feel really good. And the return a boyfriend gets on this is quantifiable: The more beautiful we feel, the better girlfriends we are in return.

…gives us cards with stuff written in them (Frequency: Birthday, anniversary, and holidays). Gifts from a boyfriend are great, don’t get me wrong. But it’s truly gratifying when said boyfriend also gives us a card with something heartfelt or sweet or cute written inside of it—you know, something more than just our name, his name, “Love” and a little punctuation. It’s not required, of course, but it goes a long, long way.

…calls us on our questionable behavior (Frequency: Well, not too often). My friend Kim mentioned an attribute she appreciates in her current boyfriend. As she puts it: “He calls me on stuff.” Kim is a tough chick who installs her own air conditioners and goes on vacation alone. But when she gets a boyfriend, she says, “I tend to turn into kind of a weepy, girl-tied-to-the-railroad-tracks type. The other day I asked him to get up and get me a drink, using this weird baby voice, and he was like, ‘Whoa, what’s with the voice? Now you’re pushing it.’ He was right,” she says, “I wasn’t being myself. And it makes me respect a guy when he puts me in my place when I veer off-course.”

…makes us trust him completely. (Frequency: Always). I dated a guy years ago who was big on guys’ and girls’ nights out. Which was fine, except that when he’d zip up his jacket and I’d say, “See you later,” he’d say, “Sure, unless I meet some other hot chick who wants me to come home with her, ha, ha, just kidding!” Guess what? Not funny. A perfect boyfriend makes a woman feel safe and secure. As my friend Todd puts it, “Trust is the titanium casing of a long-lasting relationship. Without that strong force field, you can’t survive. It’s what makes you a working team.”

…thinks it’s adorable when we’re our all-alone-selves in front of him. (Frequency: Always). It’s rare to find a man who finds it charming that you wear decade-old T-shirts to bed, can eat a whole Domino’s pizza by yourself, and spend Saturdays watching Laguna Beach marathons. And that’s what makes him so special. Assuming we agree not to push it (“I love that you don’t care if I don’t shave for weeks!”), the ideal guy would make us feel loved and accepted when we’re being our most natural selves.

Oh, and by the way, my perfect boyfriend is also cute. And, like, totally likes me.

Hmmm....interesting insights anyone? I'd be fascinated to hear your thoughts.

Damn, i fell off and fucked up. Reeeeeal bad.

It doesn't help that I lost my sanity a long time ago, either.

I can't even drink it off either cause of the meds I got prescribed to me this week...

What are the odds?!?!

One more semester till I'm out of here....

Made a new years resolution...hopefully it works out.

Just a few more days till I'm in the Philippines...and then Thailand...will be back in the '07.

Till then...Merry christmas and happy new year...

Adios amigos...I will miss y'all muchas during the break.

Promise me you won't forget about me?